Thankful in...

And here I am, 2 a.m., writing a blog post instead of sleeping, on a break when I should be catching up on sleep, in the middle of a semester where I need nothing but sleep. Isn’t it ironic that sometimes we chase after things that directly oppose what we need in our lives?

I haven’t updated this blog in a while though, so sleep will have to wait. It’s currently thanksgiving break, and I have about two days before I head back to Cedarville to finish out what has been the hardest semester, academically, of my life. That isn’t aided by the fact that I work almost 20 hours a week and also try to keep up with orgs and ministry teams; none of those things help. But I’m dedicated, and I think I couldn’t make it through life, let alone college, if I didn’t keep myself dedicated to more than I should.

And of course, in time with the season, I’ve had lots of opportunities to realize the things I’m thankful for. And of course, at the top of the list are things like friends and family and a nice school to study at. A God who loves me and a talent for music, etc. The things you’re expected to say because it’s thanksgiving and those are the things everyone falls head over heels for when they hear them.

But what else am I thankful for?

Yes of course I’m thankful for the jobs I have, the ministries I’m a part of. I’m thankful I’m fortunate enough to be able to go to church and worship everyday in chapel, things like that, but I guess as I continue to go to those chapels and ministries, I begin to think about how truly ungrateful I am as my life plays out. As I look at my life, I could list for hours the individual things I’m thankful for, but does my saying I’m grateful really mean that much?

I talked with a  group of guys last week that I meet with for Bible study about prayer and what it means. We talked a lot about how as Christians we’re supposed to pray for so much more than the simple requests we get each day from our friends, and we’re supposed to pray for so much more than the forgiveness of the sins we’ve committed, etc., and something we brought up is praying constantly in thanksgiving for what Christ gave us. So..am I really thankful?

I thought on Thursday, the big turkey day, the day when the whole world pretends that Turkey gives everyone an acute case of narcolepsy, about what it feels like to be thankful. Is it something I often feel? I honestly can’t remember the last time I’d really felt thankful for just about anything, which I think is something.. I definitely need to address in my life. Of course our faith isn’t supposed to be all about what we’re feeling, but isn’t that a problem? If I don’t even feel thankful often enough to re-imagine what it’s like?

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is Good. His love endures forever” – 1 Chron 16:34

Does this mean I don’t think the Lord is Good? Do I not understand the Lord’s love properly? One thing I noticed that was rather frustrating as I was looking through several lists of verses about thankfulness on the internet (I know, best resource for Scripture out there, honestly) was how common the imperative verb “give thanks” was used, and how rarely things like “being thankful” is used. Is it really something where we’re just supposed to shout to God what we’re thankful for even if it’s just because we’re called to ‘give thanks’? I certainly hope not.

I think, personally, it’s statement combined with a whole lot of perspective and feeling. I don’t have the perspective yet, and I definitely don’t have the feeling. I think I pray enough about thanksgiving to truly understand the statement portion. Sadly, I think it’s going to take some adjusting in order to truly understand the whole “being” thankful part. Is it something you just learn? Is it something you get after reading those verses on thankfulness a bunch of times? I certainly hope none of you thought so.

I guess that’s my prayer for now; my prayer is that I’ll be thankful. I don’t think that’s a sin a lot of people think about too often: being grateful. But, if I can’t feel it and I’m supposed to be saying it a lot, I better be able to mean it, or I’m going to God with hands full but heart empty.

So be thankful my friends, if you can, for all you have in your life. List them out and think about how truly blessed you are to have those things. Appreciate it all, and understand what it means that God would give you what you have. Stay grateful, and know I’m thankful in whatever way I can be for the fact that you’ve read this far into my blog 

Stay strong;